Weight Issues

despite our smiling faces in josh's birthday post, the truth is that yesterday was the most stressful days of our brief acquaintance with parenthood.

hanky has struggled to gain weight this past month, but up until yesterday, i was never worried about my baby. he seemed to be breastfeeding well and was so so happy! but two days ago, henry started to spit up out of the blue. and when i say spit up, i mean projectile exorcist-style vomiting that shot across the room. this was not normal, but he also didn't seem to be in distress or even unhappy. despite being his cheerful self, we called the pediatrician and they wanted to see him right away.

when we got to the doctor, they examined henry and asked me a lot of questions about his symptoms. he was forcefully spitting up while breastfeeding or immediately after. he did not appear to be in distress. after an episode of vomiting, he ravenously tried to feed again. he was the perfect age for these symptoms to begin (between 3-4 weeks). his stomach appeared distended.

we were sent to the ER for an abdominal ultrasound to rule out pyloric stenosis, which is a condition where the muscles that allows food to pass from the stomach to small intestine becomes too thick. it usually requires a small surgery that provides immediate relief from symptoms.

turns out hanky does not have pyloric stenosis. so why all the spitting up? and why isn't he gaining weight? these answers weren't readily available and we were shocked when the ER physicians wanted to admit henry for failure to thrive.

after a long day in the ER and bargaining with the attending physician to let us follow up with out pediatrician on an outpatient basis, we were exhausted.  this was not the 30th birthday that i wanted for josh. and can i just say how much i love him? because throughout the entire day, he was happy to be with his baby- nothing else mattered.

over the past few days i have felt so many different emotions. i felt like i was letting my baby down. i felt defensive and sensitive because for some reason I couldn't adequately feed my baby.

i still feel very confused, frustrated, and sad. i just want him to get better and i'm willing to do anything to get us there. we've come up with a plan with our pediatrician, which includes pumping my breast milk (to quantify his feeds) and supplementing with an ounce of formula at each feeding. and unfortunately, i feel a need to say- i am NOT against giving my baby formula. i understand the benefits of breast milk and have no plans to stop giving it to him. but for whatever reason, my baby is not gaining weight on my breast milk alone. i will always do what's best for my baby, and with that, there is no shame. after all, i am a formula baby and i turned out pretty great.

we will be monitoring his weight twice a week. please send us good vibes, i'm hoping thanksgiving will help him pack on the pounds.


love, sarah